The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

5.02.2003:

11:02 PM

I'm thinking of doing a small "About" thing with each story here on the days I post them. What do you guys think of that?

About "Just Hangin' Around":

This story is probably one of the 2 most painful for me to recall. Being entangled in that barbed wire was absolutely dreadful. I will NEVER EVER attempt to climb over barbed wire ever again.

As far as Mandy goes, I could probably fill an entire book with just stories about her. This girl was nuts. I dated her for a little over a year, mostly while she was at college. At that time in my life, I didn't want to date ANYONE, and the best excuse in the world for not dating someone is that you already have a signifigant other.

She was immensely jealous of just about every female on the planet. She actually wrote Gabrielle Reece a scathing letter because I had a gigantic crush on her. She would call me 3 or 4 times a day from Columbia, SC wanting to just sit on the phone and breathe at each other. If this didn't take place, she accused me of hating her or cheating on her or just about anything negative she could put into words. It wasn't too difficult to deal with while she was away at school, I could write programs or play video games while mindlessly 'herm'ing and 'uh-huh'ing into the phone while she waxed annoying about the most mundane shit that happened in her daily life.
Then, one day, she up and decided that she missed me too much and quit school, losing her scholarship and causing her parents to threaten to kick her out of their house. She spent just about every second of 2 weeks at my house, crying her eyes out about how unfair life was since she quit school for me. My skin crawled the entire time. Hanging out with her every 2 or 3 weeks was no problem, but after about the 3rd day of this way-too-close-a-thon, I decided I had to get out.
She sensed this, and decided the best way to prevent my departure was to schedule for us a week-long getaway in fabulous Gatlinberg, TN.
It was nothing short of horrid.
I was sick as HELL at the time. I couldn't breathe and was on serious medication, thus rendering any attempt at conciousness futile. She wanted to see the sights of this once proud mountain town that had been religated to showcasing poorly made woodcrafts and Dollywood, which made me want to wretch. Add to that the fact that we had not... umm... consumated the relationship by any meaningful measure and she decided that this was the week to try that, and you end up with a situation that would force any normal man into joining the French military just to get the hell out of it.
What follows is a bit racy, but has to be told. If you don't have much of a penchant for sexually-related reading, you still probably want to read this because it is just plain funny. Even if I say so myself.

The one thing I remember clearly - Mandy was a complete newbie when it came to anything remotely sexual. The night she decided to "Give her full love to me" as she so eloquently put it, she thought she would start off with an act that she had heard about but never actually tried. I speak, of course, about oral sex - or more colloquially, a blowjob. She was pretty clumbsy in her attempts to look sexy, but I let it pass, accepting that the effort involved was the real point. She pouted her lips a bit, unzipped my pants and removed the hardware. Slowly lowering her head, she then pursed her lips and began blowing as if it was a lit match. It felt SO uncomfortable, I forced her to stop and explain what the hell she thought she was doing.

"Doesn't it feel good when I blow in the hole?"

"Good lord, NO! Why would you think it would?"

"Well, isn't that why it's called a blowjob?"

The entire contents of my very congested sinuses exploded out of my nose as I erupted in the longest sustained bout of laughter I have ever had in my entire life.

Needless to say, not much else happened that night.

I broke up with her 2 days after we got home from Gatlinberg, a day before my birthday. She spent the next week coming over to my house and talking to my mother (since I was hiding out at Mike's place), trying to get her to convince me to get back together with her.
Once it became utterly apparent that this was just not going to happen, she unleased a torrent upon my poor mom, telling her what an evil bastard I was and how I led her on and etc. and so forth. She then began to argue the case that Mike and I were actually engaged in a secret homosexual relationship. So convincing was this argument that my mother actually believed it and told me that "If you and Mikey are, you know, gay together, I will still love you."

Gay together? What the fuck is that? Is that where you hold hands skipping merrily in a feild of dandilions, thanking the sun for shining and singing little campfire songs?

"You think Mike and I are involved in a homosexual relationship?"

"Well, Mandy told me..."

That's all I really needed to hear.

She actually rear-ended me a while back. She claims it was an accident, but... actually, this would make a great story as well. I'll have to write it out and post it as a "Members Only" exclusive :)

Hmm, this ended up being a story in and of itself. Sorry it got a little long-winded. I am also sorry that it isn't edited worth a shit, I'm at work and really only meant to post about 2 paragraphs.
Oh well, you get what you pay for, I guess.

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The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

5.02.2003:

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