The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

6.09.2004:

2:32 AM

Okay.

I am a patient man.

Stop laughing, I really am.

Now, I just laid down way more than I can reasonably afford on a big fat printer, tons of paper, a hugeonormous paper cutter, a ton of ink, etc and so forth. By far, the purchase I was most excited about was the saddle stapler.

For those who don't know, a saddle stapler is a stapler that enables one to produce staple-bound booklets with properly-fastened pages and a spine. For those in the need of a stapler for making booklets, this is indeed a fine product.

When i set upon the task of buying a saddle stapler, I turned to the people who I reasonably thought to be the experts on such things - Staples. It only made sense - I needed a stapler. They are called Staples. Yeah? Yeah.

No.

I enter staples looking for this device (as well as the printer and cutter i needed) and was told that these items are far too industrial for stocking on the normal shelves - I'd have to order them.

So I did.

I ordered my printer, and I ordered the inks needed for this printer. I also ordered a big wad of paper and a saddle stapler. On the same page as the stapler were the recommended staples - Swingline 1/4" heavy duty staples, item number 353314.

Everything arrived this morning (except the printer - I got ancy, so I went out Friday and just bought it from CompUSA and cancelled the Staples order. I have NO self control). I bust open the boxes of toys I just received and smile with glee - This Is NOT Art! Productions was now officially IN BUSINESS.

I printed a copy of MIM. I folded it over with the handy folding tool. It's BEAUTIFUL.

I folded it over and trimmed the edges, for that smooth professional look.

I loaded the staples into the stapler, placed the magazine on the anvil, and KERCHUNK!

No staple.

I try again. Same result.

I continue on and on, slamming this damn thing as hard as I can over and over hoping that at some point, staples would begin pouring out and fasting things all over the room to one another. Alas, no luck.

SOOOOO I call swingline, the manufacturer of the stapler and staples.

It turns out that the Swingline 615 Saddle Stapler requires the Swingline SF 15 staples, not the #35314's.

Staples has the wrong staples listed on thier site for this machine.

HOW?

HOW is this possible? It's thier NAME! They're called STAPLES! How the FUCK could they drop the ball on this one? That'd be like a store called Milk selling you orange juice to put on your Wheaties!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

So now i have to order staples from Office Depot.

Blah.

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