7.03.2005:
10:34 PMIt's not as common as it once was, but every so often, I get a completely random IM from someone out of the blue. I must say, I truly live for these moments.
I haven't the first clue who barrenunmami is, where she got my IM name, or why she'd ever think that I'd give half a crap about the new John Gotti CD (isn't he dead? And when did they start installing sound studios in prison?) Anyway, I thought I might post the conversation here because this is a BLOG. That's what you do on a BLOG. You post random, boring, useless, absolutely inane bullshit in the hopes that a famous movie producer will just happen upon your BRILLIANCE and offer you 24 million up front to write the next big Tom Cruise movie.
It's true. Just ask that guy who wrote this latest one... H G Williams or something. Isn't that how he got famous? Writing about Finding Nemo under the sea and some time machine thingy on his blog?
Anyway, I digress. Here's an IM conversation log. Enjoy it. Or don't - USE YOUR FREEDOM OF CHOICE (and while you're at it, Whip It Good).
--------------------------------
barrenunmami: so u din like the jOhn gOtti Cut thrOat Cd huh
joe: you are correct.
barrenunmami: whyy? it wasnt THAT bad. what made u buy that cd in the first place?
barrenunmami: err.. u know hes coming bacc.. hes gonna start rapping again
joe: i haven't the first clue what the hell you're talking about.
barrenunmami: lmaO Omg...
barrenunmami: im taLkin abOwt the jOhn gOt`ti Cd
joe: why do you capitalize every other letter?
barrenunmami: nOpe
joe: and John Gotti is behind bars
joe: he can't release a rap cd
barrenunmami: nO hes nOt
barrenunmami: wtf
barrenunmami: lmaO whO tOLd u that?!?!
joe: the media.
joe: he's a reputed mob boss, he's behind bars
joe: besides, everyone knows italians can't rap.
barrenunmami: im nOt taLkin abOwt that One
barrenunmami: Omg
barrenunmami: lmaO wOw....... this guy
barrenunmami: nO
barrenunmami: im taLkin abOwt the bLaCC jOhn gOt'ti
joe: oh, you mean the black guy who took the real john gotti's name.
joe: because it's somehow cool to name yourself after a reputed mob boss.
joe: i see
barrenunmami: he was the first One tO take the gOt'ti name
joe: if i ever become a rapper, im going to call myself MC Ted Kazinski
barrenunmami: of awll the rappers
barrenunmami: wtf
barrenunmami: Omg
barrenunmami: but yeah
joe: Ted Kazinski is a fucking badass, dude, he's killed more people than all your rap stars combined
joe: he's all "WORD YO you gotta be dissin' dat technology, fo sho dawg"
barrenunmami: nOt aLOt Of rap stars aCtuaLLy kiLLed ppL
joe: "retreat to da hood in da woods! Yo, DJ Mailbomb, go wild on doz' turntablezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
barrenunmami: wOw..
barrenunmami: lmaO
barrenunmami: this guyyyy
barrenunmami: quit it
joe: which one?
joe: which guy?
joe: i don't see no guy.
barrenunmami: :|
joe: all i see is BIG BAD MC TED KAZINSKI IN DA MUTHAFUGGIN HIZZY
joe: well
joe: it's not really a house, it's a shack
joe: in the woods.
barrenunmami: ur white huh
joe: yes. indeed i am.
barrenunmami: aLready
barrenunmami: s'aLL gOOd
joe: so im wondering who the hell you are
barrenunmami: muh name dRe.. ..
barrenunmami: n dOnt put a dr. in frOnt Of it
barrenunmami: nah i was just lOOkin at sOme review`z fOr my brOther`z aLbum n i saw wutChu put
barrenunmami: hOw u said it was hOrribLe, n hOw u burnt it
joe: you're going to have to link me to that
joe: because i write random garbage and scatter it across the net
barrenunmami: yuhh
barrenunmami: OH
joe: and your brother is John Gotti?
barrenunmami: sO u din reaLLy Listen tO his Cd?
barrenunmami: yuhh
joe: or, rather, The-Rap-Star-Who-Stole-The-Real-John-Gotti's-Name
joe: or is it "MC The-Rap-Star-Who-Stole-The-Real-John-Gotti's-Name"
joe: i get confused, im not really "down" with the lingo.
barrenunmami: ....................
barrenunmami: isnt it the same ?
joe: the same as...?
joe: swahili? NO
joe: not even close
barrenunmami: nO
joe: bucko
barrenunmami: the twO u just named
joe: so link me to this review where i burned down john gotti
barrenunmami: it`z the same Chit
barrenunmami: idk
barrenunmami: i`m tOO Lazy tOO LOOk fOr it
joe: ah
barrenunmami: did u ever hear it?
joe: i see
joe: yes, of course I did, i'm big in the rap underground. Dog.
joe: i own 4 copies of that CD
barrenunmami: dOg?
barrenunmami: nO sirrrr
joe: because i usually have 4 guests over and need coasters
barrenunmami: i guess buddy
barrenunmami: i hOnestLy thOught that Cd wasnt aLL that great
barrenunmami: i OnLy Liked that CUTTHROAT One
joe: are you kidding?
joe: it saves my oak. it's awesome.
barrenunmami: i mean i knOw thats muh kin fOLk but stiLL
joe: i especially like the track "Don't let no condensation drip on me, yo"
barrenunmami: stupid.. u ass! u said u burnt it
barrenunmami: :|!!!!!!!!!!
barrenunmami: lmfaO Omg
joe: so where'd you find my IM name anyway
joe: because I need to proceed there and immediately take it down, lest i become inundated once more with random capitalization and crazy net lingo.
barrenunmami: gay.
barrenunmami: Ok weLL im dOne, i just wanted tO knOw hOw u reaLLy feLt abOwt it
joe: YES! My statement is homosexual! that's crazy, how'd you guess?
joe: you're psychic!
barrenunmami: lOl wOwwww
barrenunmami: urrr a straaange One buddddy
joe: no, i haven't listened to 'ol johnny's record
barrenunmami: his names david.
joe: nor would i, unless it was playing 24 hours a day in a prisoner of war camp
joe: and i happened to be a prisoner.
joe: of war.
joe: at that camp, no less.
joe: and you haven't the first clue how strange i truly am
joe: I.... am a WEBMASTER.
joe: the strangest of them all.
barrenunmami: COOll
barrenunmami: .. a webmaster..
barrenunmami: wtf is that
joe: it's a master of the web.
barrenunmami: One Of thOse COmputer geek guyz?
joe: CONTEXT CLUES, barrenunmami
joe: yup
barrenunmami: Like..
barrenunmami: a haCCer?
joe: im FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET
joe: just, you don't know about it
barrenunmami: nO urrr nOt
joe: am too
joe: super famous
barrenunmami: lOl .. liesss
joe: people LOVE me
barrenunmami: ... die
barrenunmami: LOVE?
joe: adore.
barrenunmami: Oh reaLLy?
joe: they buy my books
joe: and my shirts and stickers
barrenunmami: reaLLy??? ppL LOve me tOO... im perfeCt
barrenunmami: whyyy gOd???
barrenunmami: whyyyyyyy me
joe: it's your fault
joe: you started it
barrenunmami: is it reaLLy :)?
joe: with your pseudo mob boss rap star stuff
barrenunmami: nOOOt me. thats my brOther
joe: tell him I said "please stop. Now."
barrenunmami: hes COming baCC in the rap game, just with better shit
joe: he's polluting our collective unconciousness, barrenunmami
barrenunmami: dre
joe: we could all advance
barrenunmami: Oh?
barrenunmami: tO what?
joe: we could make our way to the moon - or BEYOND! if we could just concentrate as a people and work for the greater good!
joe: but instead, we have pseudo mob boss rap stars and their ilk out yelling and screaming about drugs, guns and money
joe: oh, and beiotches.
joe: lots of beiotches.
joe: and platinum and spinner rims and escalades and big macs
joe: so we can't live on mars yet
joe: and it's his fault
joe: so tell him that a FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET webmaster said "stop. now."
barrenunmami: lmfaO Ok
barrenunmami: buuuuuuut
barrenunmami: i shaLL Let him knOw, he`LL prOLLy find yOu, traCC yOu dOwn
joe: oh, i invite him to do so
barrenunmami: stapLe ur eyeLidz tO ur head
barrenunmami: nO, im pLayinh
barrenunmami: g*
joe: we could sit and have tea and a brilliant discourse
barrenunmami: reaLLy? i hate tea..
barrenunmami: hOw bOwt sOme gin n juiCe
joe: or just juice
joe: gin is so barbaric
barrenunmami: u think sO? idk, i seem tO enjOy it.
joe: i mean, every time i play it with my grandma, she's like "GIN! BITCH!" and i'm like "BITCH! FUCK YOU BITCH" and we both bust caps and it's really a bad scene
barrenunmami: lmfaO
barrenunmami: wOw..
barrenunmami: Like i said... strangeee
barrenunmami: u reaLLy hate the hip hOp wOrLd huh
barrenunmami: u seem Like u dO
joe: no, actually i LOVE the hip hop world. i hate what rap music has become, though.
joe: the shit that's out there now? that's not hip hop.
barrenunmami: hmm
joe: hip hop is DJ's, grafitti, b-boys, and real rhymes about real conditions.
joe: like i said, now it's just bullshit postering for money
barrenunmami: idk.. im LOvin aLL Of this instense hype musiC.. aka Crunkkk
barrenunmami: lOl, why? idk, it gets me aLL hype
joe: yeah, us folks from the south used to really like that stuff.
barrenunmami: high energyy
joe: now? it's all bullshit party rhymes.
joe: no knowledge
joe: no message
barrenunmami: sOme Of them dO..
joe: just the yin yang twins doing their bullshit.
joe: lil john... please
barrenunmami: lOl
joe: not since Cee-Lo left Goodie Mob has there been a decent rap record from the south, except MAYBE the newer outcast stuff
barrenunmami: weLL, i must gO nOw, we`LL meet again One daaaay...
barrenunmami: weLL im Off
joe: yes. you are.
barrenunmami: tOOdLez..
* * *
Archives
02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 05.2003 06.2003 10.2003 11.2003 12.2003 01.2004 04.2004 05.2004 06.2004 07.2004 08.2004 09.2004 10.2004 11.2004 12.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 12.2008 01.2009
- How To Actually Talk To Atheists (If You're Christian)
- Why Men Fist-Bump
- How to Actually Win A Fist Fight
- The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Working Out
- Notes During A Teleconference
- The Rules of the Gym
0 Comments:
Post a Comment