7.03.2006:
4:49 PMI think it's a rule now.
I don't know when it went into effect, and I'm not quite sure who decided on it - probably some sort of Coalition of Coffee Shop Owners or some such thing - but it has definitely become apparent that the only two albums that are officially allowed to play in any establishment which serves coffee as it's primary menu item are "A Love Supreme" by John Coltrane and "Kind of Blue" by Miles Davis.
Between Friday, June 30 and today, I have been in five seperate coffee shops (only one of which was a Starbucks, which is where I am right now) between Georgia and Florida, and I swear to God I have heard both of those records in their entirety at least 14 times each.
It's getting to the point where - and I really, really hate to say this - I'm beginning to despise them.
That's right - despise. I'm getting to the point of HATING two of the greatest records of all time simply because a bunch of hipster assholes have made them both manditory playing in their little upscale artsy caffeine dens (and one corporate coffee whorehouse).
I won't let it happen. I simply won't.
The next coffee shop I go to, I'm going to listen for those two records - and if they are playing, I'm going to personally leap behind the counter, rip out the CD, and replace it with a scratched copy of Slayer's "Show No Mercy" so as to audibly beat the holy hell out those ironc-thick-rimmed-glasses-wearing retard hipster bastards - and when I do, I'm going to point at them with my muscles flexed and say something completely corny, like "HERE'S SOME METAL UP YOUR ASS AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" and then steal a scone, because madness such as that makes me hungry.
* * *
Archives
02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 05.2003 06.2003 10.2003 11.2003 12.2003 01.2004 04.2004 05.2004 06.2004 07.2004 08.2004 09.2004 10.2004 11.2004 12.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008
- The Etymology of Human Male Non-Verbal Communications (or, Why Men Fist-Bump)
- How to Actually Win A Fist Fight
- Notes During A Teleconference
- The Rules of the Gym
- How To Actually Talk To Atheists (If You're Christian)
0 Comments:
Post a Comment