The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

 

11.09.2006:

12:47 AM

You ever miss something you never had?

Like... When you think back on it, you always think of it in luminous ways... Warm and welcoming; like home in the wintertime. You remember the way you felt and the things you thought about it back when you thought you had it, and you smile because it felt magnificient.

And then you really, really think about it... And you realize that, back then, you were naive... Or deceived... Or merely wrong. You never had it. It was never yours.

And for some reason, you simply cannot make sense of that fact? You can't accept that simple truth? You persist in remembering the good times, the great feelings and the happy thoughts; you keep that candle alight and focus on the simple beauty of the light it gives and the way it warms your mind and your heart. The logic is there, but the thought simply will not take form.

Your heart won't let your mind make that kind of distinction. It's not a conflict - it's more like someone speaking a foreign language on the other side of the train of thought you're on. It just doesn't register.

And then you wonder... Does it really matter if you had a poor perception of things back then? Does it matter if you were naive, or deceived, or even just wrong? Isn't what matters the fact that you took something wonderful away from the experience of being where you thought you were and having what you thought you had?

You don't?

Yeah... Me neither.

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