1.31.2008:
Abuse my language and I'll punish you.
9:58 AMA true story from twenty-two minutes ago:
I was on the 2nd floor of a building. I needed to get to the 9th floor. I entered an elevator, where two men stood talking to one another. When I pushed the "9" button, I noticed that they were riding up to the 35th floor.
During my comparatively short ride, I overheard the conversation between the men, one wearing a polo shirt and golfing gloves, the other wearing a long jacket and a "Ping" hat:
Glof-gloves: "Well, our strengths are actually our weaknesses. Our autonomy serves as a vector for success in most cases, but we need to be more maneuverable in our own enterprise."
Ping hat: "You're right, if we don't leverage the opportunities that web 2.0 gives us on B-to-B opportunity, we won't realize internal expansion within the marketplace... And we can't grow."
Golf-gloves: "I'll call Diane... Have her assemble a hit-squad for metrics gathering and leverage-metering."
Ping hat: "Good idea. Talk to marketing also... See if there's a way to measure resource attitude toward such an adjustment."
Golf-gloves: "Will do... So I noticed your iron-game has gotten better..."
That's when I stopped paying attention.
Why the hell couldn't they say it this way:
Golf-gloves: "We're a big company, doing our own thing our own way. Maybe we should pay attention to how others are doing things."
Ping hat: "Yeah... The new tools on the web, along with faster connections, could allow us to work with our partners a little more closely."
Golf-gloves: "Yup. Diane and her group can probably come up with some numbers in their sleep that make us feel better about pretending we care, but not actually changing anything."
Ping hat: "Sure, and we can send a survey around to everyone, get 17% of them back, and learn nothing."
Golf-gloves: "Okay. I see you've been wasting a lot of your precious time left on this planet whacking a stupid white ball with a hunk of odd-shaped metal, and you're totally getting better at it..."
To punish them for misusing the structures and words that completely devastate the very fabric of what makes language such a wonderful tool for communication, I farted just as the doors opened on my floor and walked away proud, knowing that they still had 26 floors to go.
* * *
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6 Comments:
Why was he wearing two gloves? This makes no sense.
Heh... I found this is funny.
I dunno that he WAS wearing 2 gloves.. I just know I saw a hand with a golf glove thing on it, and they had a golf bag with them... I don't play that stupid game, so I couldn't tell you what the proper pairing of gloves - if any - should be. I just always assume if you're wearing A glove, you're wearing GLOVES, unless you're singing about beating it and wearing a zipper jacket and dancing with zombies.
And if you do only wear one glove in golf... That's yet another reason I hate it.
Yes, Joe, golfers wear only one glove. Right handed players wear a glove on their left hand. Left handed players wear a glove on their right hand.
"The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it." *hides 9 iron behind back* (I do have a set of golf clubs, but I'm a lousy golfer and rarely play. But I think of it as a nice walk in pretty scenery while carrying a heavy bag more than as a game.)
I do think, though,that people who use buzzwords need to be neutered. They're not impressing anyone when they use them instead of normal English and the people who do use them tend to be the pompous asshole types.
Hahahaha, I love cropdusting in the office space or just unloading in the break room or elevator. Seriously it should be an Olympic sport.
Heh, we'll have to circle up and get back to you with that....
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