The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

 

5.23.2008:

OHMYGODI'MGONNADIE

9:19 PM

OH MY GOD you guys... You are NOT going to believe this email I just got from "Blood Blood!"

YES THAT'S RIGHT, his first AND last name is Blood! And he just sent me this... This... Well, take a look at it for yourself!!!

From: BLOOD BLOOD

Subject: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this if you don't comply, i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you. If you are in doubt with this I will send you your name and where you are residing in my next mail.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead by all means. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $3,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $5,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once is 7pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. Good luck as I await your reply to this email contact: mayhissolrestinpeace2@gmail.com

Bye.

William yahman.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

His boys! Did you see? HE'S GOING TO SIC HIS BOYS ON ME! HIS FUCKING BOYYYYYSSSSS!

And I can't believe that someone... Who I call a "friend"... Would want me DEAD! Dead enough to have William Yahman sic his BOYS on me!

HIS BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait...

OH SHIT! I just totally broke the rules by posting this here - he's going to kill me because I contacted somebody about this! And my family! He and HIS BOYS are going to kill my family!!!

And why? Because someone I call my friend has paid "a lot of money" for this! A lot of money! Which amounts to $8000.00...

Wait...



I'm only worth $8,000.00 to kill?

Really?

I mean... $8000.00? A fucking Yaris? I'm worth a goddamn Yaris to someone?

Well fuck you, William Yahman! Really! How dare you settle for so little? I mean, Wal-mart has paid lawyers well over $8000.00 to try to take my website down - NOT KILL ME, but just take my simple, stupid website down! And you're going to KILL ME for $8000.00?

Wow. Pathetic. And you call yourself (and YOUR BOYS) a hitman... Christ, I've played video games where people get paid, like, $15,000.00 to just scare a man. You're settling for $8k for my death? Do you know how much my death is really worth? I mean... The contract with Penguin... Lost book sales... Outstanding clients waiting for work to be done... You're going to have a LOT more than $8k on your head once you take me out, man. A whole lot more.

God, William Yahman. You really need to be thinking more clearly here if you're going to make it in this hitman world. I mean, first off, what person who would call themselves my friend - who knows how much my death is actually worth - would actually pay only $8k to kill me? Doesn't that sound like a pretty low-ball figure for a friend - a REAL friend - to pay for my death?

A real friend would probably pony up WAY more than that. If they were actually my friend, that is.

No, William Yahman, I think you got scammed, buddy. I bet after you stab me with your rusty shiv or shoot me with your potato gun or whatever (or have YOUR BOYS do it), you're just going to get stiffed. In fact, I bet you know that already, and that's why you're trying to hustle ME for the eight large.

Pathetic. Just pathetic.

Labels: insanity, silliness, utter failure

* * *

(Permalink)


       

---

---

<< Home

Most Famousest:

- How To Actually Talk To Atheists (If You're Christian)

- Why Men Fist-Bump

- How to Actually Win A Fist Fight

- The Absolute Beginner's Guide To Working Out

- Notes During A Teleconference

- The Rules of the Gym

Joe's Twitter

follow me on Twitter