6.05.2008:
The Etymology of Human Male Non-Verbal Communications (or, Why Men Fist-Bump)
10:26 AM
From insects to reptiles to mammals, all living things share between one another a set of instinctive communication that, through evolution or out-of-the-box, we all understand.But there are a special subset of non-verbal tools that are used predominantly, if not exclusively, between human males. Sure, women might engage in sharing nods, handshakes, fist bumps, and other forms of communication, but they do so as mimics; not fully understanding the subtleties and subtexts of these communicative forms.
I’ve taken it upon myself to create this guide to these male-specific gestures and actions, so as to extend an olive branch of understanding across gender divides (and also, to make up for laughing at my wife when she asked me about fist-bumps earlier this morning... Hopefully this will get me out of the doghouse and, possibly, a new XBox 360 game).
Non-physical communication:
The Nod
Nods are fairly simple in their execution. Eye contact between two men is made, and a choice between two types of nod is instantly made:
Up-nod
Usually friendly, and used when one has met or seen the intended recipient before on good terms. Can and usually does lead to further forms of communication, such as the fist bump.
Down-nod
Politeness in a gesture, quite simply. Used when the two parties are unfamiliar with one another and are on positive grounds, or when the two have met previously and aren’t exactly comfortable with talking to one another. Almost always indicates “I am no threat to you, and I hope you aren’t one to me.” Not to be confused with a head-duck to avoid eye contact.
Note: The upnod and downnod are sometimes transcoded and interchanged by a special subset of users, the “White Suburban Gangster.” Men typically pay no attention to this subset of their gender, as they are a backwards group and tend to get a lot of things confused.
The "Power Fist”
Seen pretty regularly in gym or fitness settings, this indicates that one is to do whatever it is they are about to do with great force or power. It’s usually used before the event, but is sometimes given after the event as a sign of affirmation and pride from a coach or a father. Sometimes abused by douchebags in photos while wearing fake tans and too much hair gel, and always abused by politicians.
Good Power Fist: | Bad Power Fist: |
Peace Sign
Doesn’t actually mean “peace” between men... Usually means “I’m too cool to use all five fingers when I wave to you.”
Sideways Peace Sign
This says “I’m a douche.” There are NO exceptions.
“Metal Hands” / Hook Horns (not at a concert)
In a concert or musical context, this means "OMG RAWK", and is used freely between both genders. In a non-music context, this is usually celebratory, or to show extreme excitement for an upcoming event. Similar to the "Power Fist”, but not reserved for jocks and athletes. One might give “Metal Hands” to another for an exceptional joke, for performing a gnarly stunt, or for making a saving throw when the Wood Elf Ranger ambushes a party in the Woods of Despair.
Bow
Normally reserved for Asian cultures, or extreme forms of respect in Western cultures (subjects bowing to their King, etc). When done by an American male to another American male, it’s usually going to be a sarcastic gesture intended to embarrass the other for being too commanding.
This never happens in America. Ever.
Salute
Salutes can mean two things, based on context:
Respectful: playful form of rank-establishment. When done to a person in position of authority who is also friendly with the saluter, it means they heard the instruction loud and clear and will do what was asked, but the saluter also wishes to establish a playful note so that he doesn’t seem “obedient.” It means “I’ll do this because I respect you, not because I was ordered to.”
Disrespectful: See “Bow.” Usually leads to argument, and in extreme cases, a Knuckle Bump to the face.
Kneel
Only performed before Zod.
Who the hell WOULDN'T kneel before this man? Not you, right?
Physical
High Five
Extremely casual and versatile. Ranges from brand new acquaintanceships all the way to lifelong friendships. Can be a greeting, a form of celebration, or just a simple “Right on.” This particular form of communication is heavily context-sensitive, and as such, stands as the one form of communication that can be used in just about all situations.
Low Five
Usually followed after high-five, especially when done with 5-year-old nephews. Can sometimes be followed by clasping the recipient nose, pulling away, and saying “I’ve got your nose.” If you see two adults doing this, look around for your time machine and get the hell out of the 1970’s.
Fist Bump (AKA Knuckle Bump)
The reason for this article. The male fist bump is a varied and nuanced ritual, but really only boils down to a simple concept - an informal greeting between casual friends.
Classic Fist bump (vertical)
Used by those who truly understand the fist bump. Simple contact between two clinched fists. Used liberally between men who aren't trying to put on airs or seem hip. In most casual circles, this is the predominant male greeting. In "hip" circles, this is seen as "played out" because those circles are fucking douchebags who care far more about wearing oversized $300.00 sunglasses intended for women.
"Dap" double-tap overhand fist bump
Sometimes done by your dad when he wants to be cool. One male taps the other male on the top of a closed fist, the other male repeats, and the the two tap knuckles straight on. This might have been casual and cool in the mid to late 1960's in the inner-city, radiating outward into the Caucasian suburbs by the 1970's. These days, it's only used by the type of men who want to keep only a touch of gray (note pathetic cross-gender peace sign usage in link).
“Exploding” Fist Bump
A Fist Bump (either vertical or horizontal) followed by a mock “explosion” by flinging all five fingers outward and making a “Bwooosh!” sound with pursed lips. See “Sideways Peace Sign” (except if done after a particularly spectacular touchdown by an NFL player... And that’s only on a case-by-case basis).
Forearm / Elbow Bump
This is a slightly advanced form of Fist Bump, reserved for acquaintances who see each other often, or newly created friendships. The Forearm Bump is done almost always because one of the parties has their hands full, has just soiled their hands, or has just washed their hands but does not want to be rude. There are exception cases to the forearm bump, such as a late-notice of a passing acquaintence where it is just slightly too late to make hand contact, but can be saved with a quick bump of elbows or forearms.
Hand Clasp
The most advanced form of casual physical communication due to the many variations and contexts. This is one step above Fist Bump and one step below Handshake in terms of formality, and the highest form of friendly greeting between men.
Overhand hand claspClassic Handshake
Sometimes called the "soul brother handshake" by dipshits. This form of handshake looks like the form of grip that is used in traditional arm wrestling.
Overhand hand clasp to finger clasp (Bonus - add finger point)
The grip from the Overhand Hand Clasp is loosened, and the hands slide backwards into a finger-lock. The grip is re-tightened. This is usually an added feature to the Overhand Hand Clasp to indicate level of urban sophistication, and is usually laughed at when white people do it (unless said white person has demonstrated a keen understanding and appreciation for all things hip-hop, meaning they can name at least three Eric B. and Rakim tracks, understand what "doing an Ep in my Jeep" means WITHOUT GOOGLING, and have completely disavowed anything ever even remotely attached to 50 Cent).
Overhand hand clasp to shoulder bump
A human equivalent of two rams butting heads with one another. This greeting is fueled by testosterone and Red Bull. Usually used by people who obsessively call each other "bro."
Overhand hand clasp to one-arm hug (AKA “Man Hug”)
Brothers, or friends as close as brothers, will do this. It's a safe display of positive emotions one man might have for another. If the two are not exceptionally close, this particular greeting is acceptable ONLY if there has been a notable span of time between the last time they've seen one another and now.
Overhand hand clasp to heel-kick-lock to spin dismount
Reserved only for Kid n’ Play.
Ah, the defacto male greeting. Yes, females use it too, but it’s usually JUST a greeting if done by or to a female. The male handshake, however, is rife with subtlety and subtext, depending on point of contact, grip, pressure, length of duration, and the stature and status of the two parties involved.
This could really be an entire article unto itself, and probably one day will be. But for now, I’ll touch on some of the more prominent components of a male-male handshake and their associated meanings:
Hand Placement: Deep-set hand placement, where the webbing between the thumb and forefinger is set as close as possible to the same on the other male's hand, indicates a general respect for people. It shows that one's father showed them how to give a proper handshake. The further back the hand is set when the grip is closed, the less respect you apparently have for the person you are shaking hands with (and for most people in general).
Pressure: Pressure equals confidence. The more pressure applied to a grip, the more confience the male is presuming to communicate they possess. Not enough pressure, and you are seen as weak. Too much pressure, and you are seen as overbearing and boorish, overcompensating for something. A firm handshake, where pressure is applied by both parties so as to create an equilibrium, indicates confidence on both sides.
The added hand: a second hand clasped over the extended hand of a man one is shaking hands with indicates a formal form of familiarity and warmth. When a man shakes hands with someone and places their left hand over the back of the other man's hand, he is saying "We are friends. Feel comfortable." Whether or not he means it depends entirely on how much he desires of the person he is shaking hands with.
The inner-palm middle-finger tickle: Leads to man on man UNF-ing.
I hope this guide has helped shed some light on the world of male-to-male non-verbal communication. At the very least, I hope the Kid-n-Play animation was entertaining, because it took forever to find a high enough quality video on YouTube to grab screenshots from.
***Update 6.6.08 11:41 AM ***
Using the word Etymology is entirely intentional. I'll leave it to you scholars and world-shakers of humor to figure out why. Hint: it rhymes with "bun"
Labels: secrets of the male race, silliness
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60 Comments:
Entomology is the study of insects. I think you meant to say Etymology, which is the study of the origin of words. And if you did then its use is inappropriate since the "article" is about non-verbal communication.
I give it a 4 star dumb rating.
yayyy, anonymous wins the 5 star grammar nazi dick-face award. Congrats. Seriously. There are a whole lot of people vying for the award on this blog, but you kicked all their asses! The award is in the mail.
The animation seriously made me crack up.
Etymology is studying the the origins of WORDS, not origins of whatever your article is about. The next time your hear a big word and try to use it make sure you look up its meaning first or you look like a douchebag.
That was awesome and extremely accurate!
my friend, I applaud your insight. Forgot the gramatical carpetbagger. The humor was subtle and flawless. I will give it an a plus,plus ,plus, plus. Like ralphie but hilarious. Whatever you write send to shiftyoleary@gmail.com. I make noise. Oh and grammar guy---shut the up fuck tits bitch, and job get a, fucker hog. I had fun.
I liked it too!
Thanks for entertaining me at 0430.
:-D
American males have a secret hand shake!1!!! Yay.
This was creative and funny.
You guys are douchebags for taking the time (after it's been said once, no less) to correct a stranger's misuse of a word on the Internet. You're not smart.
man that was a cool ! but i wanna add somin here , im desi and we do this thing where we first shake the hand and then place the same hand to the heart ..thatz a symbol of brotherhood.
bookmarked
ah yes.. the shake.. and then the hand to the heart.. please amend your article to include Klingons! probably the only adjustment that could make it even more awesome than the article already is! it was hilarious and i sent the link to friends...
Kneel: Only before Zod.
Brrrilliant!!!
Nice article. Good way to help start the day. Let's not forget the forearm "viking" shake! Also, anyone else recall that test of strength shake that Arnold did in Predator (forgot the other guy's name)?
Chest bump.
I'm fairly certain that the chest bump needs to be in here. Even if it's only acceptable amongst professional athletes.
What about the snap-into-a-point maneuver? We use that a lot at work. Is that OK or a douchebag move?
Witty remark. Mild name calling. Humorously pointing out incorrect word usage. Insult directed at previous posters. Query? Appreciation for entertainment provided gratis.
Summary. Conclusion.
Salutation.
-Nick.
Loved the article, but you forgot the Tip of the Cap.
What about the "hang loose" sign...I give it all the time...what does that say about me?
Anonymous is such a loser. No sense of humor. Who looks at an article like this and begins to talk shit about the title. Just relax and enjoy because I think the point of this article was to make people laugh and have a good time. I give anonymous a 4 star deuche bag rating.
In California, the "hang-loose" is given by motorcyclists, primarily sportbikers, passing in opposite directions. I have no idea whether surfers still do it. The etymology guy is definitely a douchebag. I didn't see "entomology" anywhere in the article.
Excellent article! Humorous and accurate. Pay no mind to the whining D-Bags who are only bragging about their grasp of the English language to their imaginary girlfriends. You should add the shoulder or forearm clasp with the off hand during a handshake. It proclaims dominance as in "I like you but, can make you my bitch with little effort." Thanks for the laugh!
Carl Weathers to answer the Predator comment.
What about the hand shake with the second hand coming to grasp the arm? Where is this grasp allowed? Elbow? Shoulder? I think that in between is no-man's land, and should be reserved only when the desired effect is extreme uncomfortably in the recipient.
...must also include the 80's High-Five while walking past each other with the arm circling downward to execute the Low-Five in the same move. Douche-City.
Great article, and accurate! I do agree with the need to address the "hang-loose" sign, as well as the snap-into-point motion, both are overused and should be defined, if for no other reason than to alert the general public.
PS. Office guy, if you use the snap-into-point motion in any manor other than as an obvious joke, you're a douche bag... like the rest of Yuppie White Americans who adress each other as "brother".
Anonymous must give the sideways peace sign...
Congrats on a great, informative, and funny article.
To the Gramar Nazi's....STFU!
As a side note to the guy who said white people shouldn't use the term "brother"...In most cases you are absolutely correct, but in the Biker (Harleys, not rice rockets)culture the use is sanctioned. Hope that clears things a bit.
The greeting, which has been described by confused white journalists as a "fist bump," "closed-fist high-five," "a frat-tastic fist bump" and "'Hezbollah' style fist-jabbing," is finally being introduced to mainstream culture. Katie Halper does a really good job of explaining: http://www.236.com/blog/w/katie_halper/the_obama_pound_in_historic_mo_6981.php.
The next big thing in hand gestures: the pinkypoint.
hahaha he said etymology not entymology in the title!! U grammar nazi's failed epically!! Therefore it is you who are the douche!
From the "classic hand shake", you forgot one thing that is reeeeally important to bosses, girlfriends dads, etc. EYE CONTACT. Eye contact affirms that you are an equal to a male counterpart and are willing to show respect by looking him in the eye at the time of the greeting. It means, "I am to be trusted", even if you are not. It's the same thing when toasting with a drink. It's "Man Talk".
What about the overhand clasp to two man snap?
Dude!
You forgot the most essential of greetings....
the BRO-HUG.
Yeah, don't forget it.
HAHAHAHAA GREAT ARTICLE BUT YOU SHOULD ADD THIS, AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS OH AND THIS DONT FORGET THIS TOO, GREAT ARTICLE BY THE WAY, OH THIS TOO AND ALLLLLL OF THIS AND SOME OF THIS THIS TOO OH MAN ADD THIS THAT WOULD ROCK AS WELL.
You left out the Shocker.
"and have completely disavowed anything ever even remotely attached to 50 Cent"
Epic Article
This one is becoming popular:
The Sac Tap - Used by guys who are in need of a good laugh and like to see their friends in pain.
I don't see some of these tribal gestures as being all that exclusive to males. Michelle Obama's bump to me was a simple gesture like saying, "we are a strong team" or how about, "got get em' tiger" after they just screwed all night (rofl). It doesn't need to be any one thing, but I do agree there are times where the hand gestures are really specific. Anyway interesting and well done.
Truly pro, nicely done. Screw all the haters.
I do concur with most of the recommended additions, especially the off-hand shoulder/arm squeeze addition to the hand shake. Might also think about adding the double chest fist thump prelude to the sideways peace sign. A rewrite and refinement would make this a key modern culture internet reference.
Com'mon, Anonymous #1. Can't you read? He DID write 'etymology', not 'entomology'... good job making yourelf look like a complete pompous dumbass. Don't be so quick to prove what a smarty-fuck know-it-all you are.
Great article! It's so true.
actually, ur mom, the author did use the word "entomology" and edited it later. it's still in the URL. :P
The whole thing made me laugh, especially the photo of the guy doing the sideways peace sign. Maybe there would be a part 2, but I like it the way it is. I'm female, btw.
Wow, totally awesome article. Amazingly accurate. And to those who deemed it necessary to point out the author's misuse of a word, it does not make him a douche. On the contrary, it makes you a douche for shooting him down when he made no malicious remarks about anyone himself. I hope your e-penis feels nice and big, because the shriveled up raisin you piss out of in real life isn't getting any longer.
This is great! I especially loved the sideways peace sign - really anyone who does that is a douchebag... But I digress, I'm a woman and there is no way for me to comprehend all of this. My mind is spinning! ;)
You forgot the "Cok and Lock" fist bump in which a regular fist bump is done followed by each fist turning clockwise at a 90 degree andgle. This "locks" the fist bump which makes it all the more "bond" creating.
Do you realize how prejudiced the opening paragraph is? Women are only imitators and cannot understand or communicate on their own? Screw you!
Um - forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure the "sideways peace sign" isn't any such thing there.
The guy is giving the camera two fingers. A two-fingered salute. A longbowman's mockery. Whatever.
Possibly the confusion arises since sticking two fingers up rather than one seems to be fairly rare in th US, - we Brits seem to be the ones who use it as a rule.
Anyhow, the guy is still a douche - probably all the more so.
Can I use the hand-clasp-to-finger-clasp if I point out that it's "Swing an ep"?
I might mention I'm so white that you can see my heart beating through my skin like a newborn fish.
Shit...and to think..I was using the side ways peace sign...
Thats not what I was intending.lol
Amend: "chunkin' a deuce"
index and middle fingers extended "pope's blessing" style, then fishing-cast type gesture towards recipient. indicates the douchebaggery of the signaler, except in the case of new york residents, who may claim exemption from the douchebag generalization caused by the gesture. (after all, it's not like a gesture can make them *more* of a douchebag, right?)
lee:
I purposely wrote it my way to sabotage Googling AND NOW YOU RUINED IT OMG.
Kidding. Nice catch, you get to use whatever handshake you want!
My favorite is the guy who copied this article word-for-word over at his site. Go kick his ass.
http://connect.kdwb.com/bigbadwolf/blog/2008/06/07/why_men_fist_bump
Eh, he said "found somewhere on the internet" and he's not making any money from it, so it's no biggie. I typically let stuff like that slide, not really worth getting all "HEY I WROTE THAT" over someone who gets like 12 reads a month on his profile on a radio station's social networking site.
But thanks for letting me know - when it's a bigger site or someone trying to claim credit, that's when I tend to send the nastygrams.
I knew some friends that once attempted the Kid n' Play Overhand hand clasp to heel-kick-lock to spin dismount...today would've been their 20 year high school reunion had it not sadly killed both of them from a skull fracture and a subdural hematoma, respectively. R.I.P. Bobby and Earl...R.I.P.
All in a all a good and hilarious article, though I have to disagree on the exploding fist bump. This bump is an underground bump used by the modern stoner and musician, generally the explosion is followed by a finger wiggle(occasionally mis-referred to as spirit fingers) to signify the dexterousness of ones hands thanks to their years of musical practice and is in no way as faggy as the sideways peace sign(which is really faggy).
I once asked my husband what the fist bump was called. He said it was the fist pound. Ever since then, whenever we're gaming together, I've gotten such a kick out of saying "pound me, B!"...now I know that's the wrong term, but I'm sticking to it 'cause it's just so fun to say. :P
Lol.... This is excellent. Is that a gif of kid N play for the dismount handshake????/ I lol'd
nvm i'm an ass... it says its kid n play right there under the title =/
So no one told you that Howie Mandel started the fist bump because of his germ phobias?
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