The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

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OHMYGODI'MGONNADIE

From: BLOOD BLOOD

Subject: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this if you don't comply, i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you. If you are in doubt with this I will send you your name and where you are residing in my next mail.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead by all means. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $3,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $5,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once is 7pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. Good luck as I await your reply to this email contact: mayhissolrestinpeace2@gmail.com

Bye.

William yahman.

Labels: insanity, silliness, utter failure

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5.22.2008:

Ahh, high school... Too bad I don't remember much of it

4:18 PM

Facebook has made it very, very easy for old high school classmates to find me. Not that it was very hard before, seeing as how Google made it pretty easy, but Facebook also invites the notion of communication and "getting back in touch" in a way that simply Googling the name of that doofy football-playing wrestler who hung out in the art room all day doesn't.

Now, it's good to connect with folks from the old days, and I've had fun spinning my gears remembering who is who and all of that. The trouble is... I actually remember VERY little about my high school days that doesn't directly deal with Mike and my core group of friends (at the time), outside of things in my journals and the actual events that happened. Ask me who the girl was that... You know... Puked on my thing, and I can tell you no problem. Ask me what class she had second period the year we went out, or the names of two of her best friends... yeah. Not so much.

The same goes with the vast majority of the faces I barely see through the haze of my memory when I see photos of people who contact me on Facebook. There are a few whom I remember without having to have my memory jogged or referring back to the yearbook / journals, and it's been really cool catching up with those folks. But there's an entire category of people who make up a good 85% of the pie chart of "people I probably should remember, and whose names and faces are balanced precariously on the edge of my memory, but I simply don't recall without help".

It's those people who have been the most interesting to catch up with, actually. Or, in some cases, attempting to get to know.

There have been a few who understood completely and, after a few attempts to jog my memory ( "remember the time you let those crickets loose in the library? i was the girl who laughed and didn't tell on you" and "remember the time you fell through the roof of the front lobby while trying to put the security guard's golf cart on top of the building? I was the kid you landed on" and other notable snippets from my life), I've recalled and we laughed and life was good.

But there's also been a few folks who took GREAT offense when I attempted to recall who they were. They couldn't believe I'd forget them, or they think I'm being coy (and in one case, was trying to "Play like [I] am famous now" which is as close to hilarious as you can possibly get with me, seeing as how I'm sitting here eating Fruity Pebbles at 4:30PM in my Red Bull shorts and a ratty old Hanes t-shirt covered in paint splotches, actively ignoring alerts reminding me to do the work I have to do so I can actually afford to pay my house note this month).

And I feel bad about it, for all of a minute or so, until I read lines like "You think you're so high and mighty - put this in your book, you fucking asshole."

Really? Is that necessary?

I mean... Come on.

I remember things. I remember words and pictures and events. I remember them in excruciating detail. It's just how my brain works.

But I don't remember anything or anyone that doesn't have an event or situation "tagged" to them. When you're not directly involved in something I've done or have had happen to me, I'm sorry - I just don't remember it. The same is also true of every other thing on the planet for me... I don't remember the names of stores I walked into and bought nothing inside, because there was nothing of note for me to buy. So it doesn't trigger the "remember me" thing in my head.

I don't remember the titles of comic books I read once (or read through enough to know I didn't like it) because it made no impact. The same with books, movies, tv, and - yes - people.

My brain is just that way. It simply doesn't latch on to things that don't trigger the "remember me" stimulus. I'm sorry that that might hurt your feelings, and I'm sorry that my attempt to circumvent that issue by asking you about how we know each other offended you. But I'm not sorry about how my brain works... It's not like I can help it.

But you can bet I remember you now.

Labels: Joe's life, memories, whiny bullshit

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Downside/Upside, Vol. 2

4:10 PM

Starting point: Your macbook pro's keyboard and trackpad break.

Downside: You can't work without an external keyboard, which also fails during a short presentation which leaves you utterly without recourse.

Upside: It justifies to your wife the need for a backup system, so you can actually send the stupid laptop off for repair.

Downside: 2 hour drive to go buy a new Mac Pro, 2 hour drive home.

Upside: It's a fucking MAC PRO. 8 cores, 16gb ram, 2TB hard drive, additional 512mb memory card (Nvidia GeForce 8800GT) so you can run 2 monitors AND your new Cintiq tablet... It's a bad mamma-jamma.

Downside: The Nvidia badass super mega card? Yeah, they sold me one meant for the OLD mac pro, so it doesn't work in this NEWER mac pro.

Extra Downside: I even asked after seeing the sticker if "Legacy" meant "Will not work with the machine I'm actually buying right now," and the "genius" at the Apple Store Perimeter Center said "nope, it'll work."

Upside: Not much of one. They're going to send me the proper card, but I have to pay for it first, then they'll credit me when I return the one that was wrong for my system. But the small bit that is an upside is that they're working hard to get it out overnight TODAY so I'll have it tomorrow, so that's cool.



Overall, it's been a bit frustrating dealing with Apple stuff the past month or so. But still, NOTHING compares to the Dell saga.

Labels: apple, downside/upside, technology, utter failure

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I think I'm back now.

2:03 PM

That's pretty much it.

Labels: Joe is retarded, whiny bullshit

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5.17.2008:

Am I Broken?

11:45 PM

It's actually an honest question - is there something inside me, something fundamental, that has quit working? Am I in need of repair?

As discussed in this forum post, it's probably not gone unnoticed that I haven't written anything book-wise in nearly three weeks. And the reason why is, I've surmised, that every time I sit down to write, I go through this mental checklist of nonsense which goes like this:

Why am I writing something new? There's a perfectly good story sitting in lawyer limbo right now that I should be posting.

You're writing because that story IS in lawyer limbo, and you need to get stuff up in its stead.

Fine, but what's to stop this new thing from being cast into lawyer limbo as well?

(onset of paralysis)

Now, I know that the story that's been held up has a fairly big reason for being so, but it doesn't stop me from enacting some horrific flash-analysis of every single word I try to type. It causes these insane chains of thought that bounce from "Will this get a legal review?" to "Ok, fine, no legal review, but what if X person in the story takes exception?" to "Well, they said it was ok, but people change their minds" to "Everything I'm writing could get me sued and hated and yelled at by everyone on earth."

It's ridiculous. I mean, utterly and completely ridiculous, on many many levels. First, it's stupidly self-indulgent. Second, it's a slippery slope of stupid crap that is irrelevant and actually doesn't matter. But both of those points, and all points associated, are based in logic... And as near as I can tell, this thing I'm going through has absolutely no regard for logic or any of its trappings. It just persists regardless. And I just plain don't know how to fix it.

Labels: Joe is retarded, whiny bullshit

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5.15.2008:

The 15-year tattoo, part 1

2:28 PM

I drew the very first incarnation of this piece when I was 16 years old.

Over the years, it's seen numerous changes, incarnations, refactors and updates, all of which have increased the size and shape and concept. In between my inability to find an artist capable of handling it and my ever-growing pickiness, I always put it aside and told myself "one day..."

Well, the day has finally come. This is the product of my first sitting with Todo, tattoo artist to the stars and musicians and athletes. I am honored that he accepted the piece, and am happy as hell with the result so far:





Obviously, it's not finished yet. I go back next Friday to finalize this piece (complete the shading and coloring in the lettering and glass, then the overlay detail), as well as start on part 2 (additional chunks of the glass around the middle and bottom, wrapping around the bicep and tricep). Then, in June, I go for the final sitting to finish all detail overlay on all the glass and lettering, and fill-in behind the piece with shadow and shading, creating a full 3/4 sleeve on my left arm.

I'm extremely excited. This has been a LONG time coming.

Labels: being yourself, Joe's life, memories, tattoo

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"New Music Evaluator" code snippet

10:13 AM

Just a little bit of code out of my new music evaluator:

if ($jeremyhalvorsen == 'likes this band') {
$band = played;
};

Labels: Joe is a pompous ass, music

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5.13.2008:

So...

1:16 PM

I've been on the road 13 of the past 16 weekends.

This has created for me a very interesting situation, in that I've figured out there's no way in hell I can actually write stories over the weekend for publishing on Monday on MI. There's other implications, like missing my wife and a huge backlog of housework and not seeing my nephew and whatnot, but really, the "write new stories" thing is the most pressing thing for me.

So, I've moved the publishing day to Wednesday. I'm hoping this will change the dynamics involved in my mental process and actually get stories up on the damn site. Right now, I'm 3 stories in hock (tomorrow will make 4 if OI don't post, which I will, so let's not even count it and just say 3). I'm not going to just let it go - I'm going to get caught up to the number I should be at based on my January promise of posting once a week.

Part of what's going to help that is the fact that, for the forseeable near-term, I'm home. It's going to feel like I have a TON of newfound time, especially since I'm not spending upwards of 8 hours each weekend driving to or from an airport, sitting in an airport, getting angry in an airport because I just got screwed over in an airport... Etcetera.

It's nice, really, because I'll have time to play with my new stuff... But I'll post more about that tonight, with pictures :)

Labels: Joe is retarded, Joe's life, whiny bullshit

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5.12.2008:

Pain in my qASSia

11:07 AM

I was sent this really cool link from a guy named Douglas Ellisworth:

http://www.qassia.com/how-to-actually-talk-to-atheists-if-youre-christian

You'll note from the URL that it's called "How to actually talk to athiests (if you're christian)."

Now, you'll probably remember that there was a simil... I mean IDENTICALLY titled article just like that one on this blog last month. And if you read the linked article, you might be able to identify a few passages that are... How would you say it... Familiar?

Now, this whole blog is covered under Creative Commons, so I don't care if people re-paste it or share it. Part of that license says you should give attribution, but I normally don't care about that or chase it down - if someone wants to pretend to be me, fine - they'll learn their lesson when refrigerators start falling out of the sky on their cars and PeTA cows steal their dinner. But when they're earning "Qassia Dollars" or any other form of currency doing so, I have to get a bit miffed.

So, there's that for the morning. How's your day going?

Labels: plagarism, religion, silliness

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5.11.2008:

The MacBook Pro Chronicles?

11:55 AM

I really, really, really hope this keyboard + trackpad issue on my Macbook Pro doesn't become another Motherboard Chronicles-story. I really, really, really hope it's fixed and done with... But the fact that I can't rely on my laptop's built-in keyboard and trackpad is REALLY upsetting.

Having to plug in a USB keyboard is a mild inconveinence - after all, you can just stack that where the non-functioning keyboard sits on your laptop and, you know... Play pretend. But the mouse... The mouse bit is REALLY infuriating. I can't just sit in a chair and work off my knees. I have to find a table to use the damn mouse.

It's aggrevating.

So, I've reverted my firmware from 1.5.1 to 1.5, and that didn't fix it - but I've read on a ton of forums that re-installing the 1.5.1 firmware update helps. So I have, and so far, it's working... The input "stutters" from time to time, but at least it's working.

Now, to publish this, put this thing to sleep, and see later if the fix took.

Labels: technology, utter failure

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5.08.2008:

I'm being held hostage!

10:06 AM

I hate when I have to take my truck in for service.

Not because of the mechanics - the people at Merlin are freakin' awesome. They're honest, they treat younger people and women like they're actually human, and they do great work. But when I have to wait in the waiting room, and I can't leave since my truck's on a lift, I have no choice but to sit in the presence of the worst television programming ever devised.

I speak, of course, about the Fox News Channel.

As my friend Jeremy says, I'd rather watch a soap opera marathon on NBC than Fox News. I can literally feel myself growing stupider and angrier by just sitting in the same room as this television blaring the white-washed, bleached-out shills boasting about how America is constantly under attack by either terrorists, non-christians, or someone with a weather dominator sending tornadoes to obliterate the bible belt.

At least in the soaps, they have dudes who wear eye patches... And eye patches are entertaining to look at.

As I type this, these "news anchors" are hyping a live appearance by Rush Limbaugh who is appearing on the channel to discuss his involvement in Operation: Chaos and the loss for Obama in Indiana due to O:C's involvement.

This is news?

This needs to be covered? I mean...

Really?

And it's not like I'm going to give MSNBC, CNN or any other cable news network a free pass. They have their own issues (quite a few each, in fact), but right now, I'm not being affronted by them.

Just sitting here, I feel the need to go buy a gun. True, it's so I can storm the studios and blow these fucking shills away, but still, it's the need to buy a gun.

And holy shit, they just played that racist panda commercial for SalesGenie.com.

I HATE THIS STATION.

Labels: car problems, Fox News, whiny bullshit

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5.07.2008:

Firefox + MI

9:25 AM

I saw this in the ROFLCon photopool and thought it was really neat that someone thought enough to take the pic and publish it:




(That's the Firefox mascot, holding my book. Open Source browser holding Open Source book, etc.)

Here's one that Jeremy took from the front:


And one of my favorites, me with Tron Guy:

Labels: MI, shameless self promotion

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5.06.2008:

Bug Spray Conspiracy

1:25 PM

My friend Lori and I were talking about how uncanny it is that, each and every time a creepy, crawly bug is seen in our houses, the bug spraying dudes call just a few days after.

"Are you noticing any signs of infestation or intrusion?" They ask every two months, just a day or two shy of when one is spotted.

It is then that it occurred to me - the exterminators? The Orkin man? The Terminex guy? They're in on a vast, wide-ranging conspiracy. I believe - and of course I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, but it makes sense - that the formula of spray they spritz around and under the house is only an insecticide for one month and three weeks. On the last week of the 2nd month, the toxins are all drawn out of the formula, turning the residue into a moist, spongy cake that the insects are attracted to, because who the hell isn't attracted to moist, spongy cake?

Then, after a week of baiting all those nasty little bugs to your house, they call ever-so-punctually; pretending to be Mr. Orkin-man-on-the-spot, ready to help you get rid of your bugs for another two months! But they're actually confectioners of ant-candy and spider-taffy! They make delectable treats for the little buggers to much on!

Well the gig is up! I'm on to your little charade... You expatriated exterminators can go and "treat" another person's house, because I'm going to start pouring lye all over everything! Even the stove! Lye everywhere! I'm a lyer!







I need help.

Labels: bugs, insanity, Joe is retarded

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Oh, the irony...

9:44 AM

There have been rumblings since last November about keyboard and trackpad issues with the Macbook Pro. I've not experienced any such issues... Until this morning.

At night, when I'm done writing (READ: chatting with jeremy about how I should be writing, but not actually writing), I drop the top on my lappy, put it in my handy-dandy laptop bag, and go to sleep. This has been the case since I bought the thing, and the only issue I've had with this particular workflow has been the occasional battery drain from leaving it on sleep for too long without plugging it up.

This morning, I had to go visit a client to do an emergency repair on some web crap I did for them a while back. Time was of the essence. I pulled out my laptop, opened the lid, and began to type my password...

...Nothing.

Tried to use the trackpad. Nothing.

Rebooted. Tried again. Nothing.

So, here I was, thinking I was completely screwed, when I looked over and saw an unused PC sitting near me. I unplugged the keyboard and plugged it into my Macbook Pro, and lo! The external keyboard worked! Same with the mouse!

It was only about 2 minutes ago that I looked down and noticed what brand it was:


...Saved by the very company who turned me on to Apple in the first place.

(For those unfamiliar with why this is so damn ironic, I encourage you to read the entire saga. It's long, but if you're a Dell owner who's ever had to call tech support [or, if you just fancy yourself a connoisseur of breakfast cereals], it'll be right up your alley.)

Labels: Dell, Macbook Pro, utter failure

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5.05.2008:

The Slip

2:13 PM

I'm on my 2nd listen of the new Nine Inch Nails record, and the best thing I can say about it is at least it's not Ghosts.

Ghosts SUCKED.

Like, not even "wasn't that good" or "isn't as great as NIN's other stuff" - the entire album, all 4 volumes of it, were shit. Total, absolute, unequivocal shit.

And this isn't. It's not bad. It's very similar to Year Zero in feel and presentation, and I really liked that album. Nothing can live up to The Fragile, of course, but this isn't horrible.

In other news, yet another blogger blogged about the album today. Look at me, being all blogospheric.

Labels: Joe is a pompous ass, music that doesn't suck, NIN

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5.04.2008:

Happy Star Wars Day!

4:57 PM

May the Fourth be with you.


(I know, I groaned the first time I heard it too, but it's grown on me.)

Labels: Joe is retarded, puns, star wars

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5.02.2008:

A typical Joe day

9:44 PM

So, after getting a flat at the gym early this morning, AAA stripped the lugnuts while trying to get the wheel off. If that doesn't sound bad to you, basically it means that they could get the wheel OFF, but the lugs were now ruined - meaning you couldn't keep the spare ON.

Now, I could have had them tow the truck to the shop, but after 5 miles, it's expensive. So, I figured I'd have my wife come get me to go get lug nuts. I mean, they're lug nuts, right? You should be able to get lug nuts for any kind of car at any automotive shop...

...I'll spare you the story. You can't.

The Ram 1500 has steel-coated lugs, and I guess they're not standard in stores. I even went to TWO Dodge dealerships, both of which didn't have any. But this odd little store 3 towns away did (and my thanks to the 2nd Dodge dealership for actually calling around to find them for me).

Finally got the lugs. Finally got the spare on. Tired, tired, tired...

I get home, I lay down on my bed. I roll a little, and BOOM - the wood where the center rail is mounted just split and the box springs and mattress hit the ground.

It's just not been my day.

Labels: Joe's life, utter failure, whiny bullshit

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5.01.2008:

Unanimity

8:01 AM

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity.
- Christopher Morley

I like that. Some part of me really enjoys the thought of personal rebellion in the form of exposing oneself to thoughts and materials and ideas that are simply not being picked through by the masses. But the problem here is that, like most everyone, this feels like the mindset of a revolutionary - so it instantly calls to mind writings by political prisoners, social observers, "truth tellers" - Che Gueverra type stuff.

I'm pretty sure that there are a lot of people thinking about that right now, given the reports of gasoline rising to $7.00 a gallon by the end of the year and the absolutely insane "controversy" over Obama's pastor (what a red herring this is... Basically, no one can find any fault with Obama, so this seems like such a huge ordeal. It's nonsense - the pastor saw the red light illuminate on a camera and realized that every ounce of bullshit he can spew right now will add zeros to the book deal he's going to sign come August, when Obama's named as the Democratic candidate).

SO - with all of this in mind, I challenge you to read things that no one else is reading and think thoughts no one else is thinking, by going out today and buying a book on horseshoeing.

Yes, horseshoeing. No one is thinking about shoeing a horse these days... At least, the masses aren't. When was the last time YOU thought about horseshoeing? Today? If you answer 'yes', you're a big fat liar, because you most certainly did NOT.

So, there we have it. If you read a book on horseshoeing, it's pretty much a lock that you'll be doing something unique today. And if you ponder on the concept of horseshoeing, you'll be thinking thoughts no one else is thinking.

Except, of course, everyone who reads this stupid blog... But that's only, like, four people, so you're still safely out of the path of the mainstream.

Labels: being yourself, Joe is retarded, rebellion, silliness

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